My Voice

 
    
20
Feb 2013
6:03 AM CEST
   

A Mid-Life Crisis

"The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile." – Plato
�
I suppose one of the reasons why so many people take a year abroad is to “find themselves”. We like to pretend that it is for academic reasons, but we’re not fooling anyone. Whether that be exposing your inner party Erasmus self, or finding an enlightened traveller of the world within you, there’s a lot to be accounted for in what, in proportion to our entire life, is such a small period of time.

One of the hardest things I had to accept when changing countries was that I would lose friends, and make new ones. That’s not to say that I didn’t want to make new friends; I just didn’t want to leave the old ones behind. Part of my Year Abroad will soon be a distant memory, yet I would have to revisit many of the hardships I faced at the beginning of the entire journey.

This feeling may well be recognisable for many people staying in one country, or even those at home. People come; people go. Those friends that can only stay for a term must take their next step, and so we all find ourselves in a position of isolation and friendlessness. So here we go again: getting to know a new city, understanding the language, making friends, finding a routine in life. I did it before, and I can do it again. Yet this time, I don’t want to.

It is my inner self who is telling me that “I don’t want to do this again”. That’s probably because it really is “effort”. But I cannot let my instinctive emotions control my thoughts. I may not want to make friends now, or study, but I cannot and will not be conquered by myself. My thoughts and being are separate: my thoughts can change, but I can never change who I am. It takes discipline and understanding of yourself to know that you will enjoy your new life and that you are capable of changing your own thoughts. After all, life is what you make it.

During my first two weeks in Zaragoza, I did not stay in the house. I did not go onto Skype every minute of the day, nor did I reject the thought of making new friends. I did not stay awake at night, wrestling with thoughts that I could not control. I accepted that my life has changed and I have moved on. Those moments of weakness, where I missed home and friends, I accepted that. It’s normal to feel alone. There have been times where I have wanted to go out and buy new clothing, eat a mountain of chocolate and feel sick and sad inside. I will not give into these insecurities.

In those moments when I feel capable of controlling my emotions, I feel very proud of myself. It takes a lot of discipline, but it builds character. One thing my Dad said to me was that good and bad things come in threes. But then, when you think about it, all good and bad is subjected to your own thoughts. The more we can control our thoughts, the more we can conquer ourselves.

Sick stuff, Plato.

I know. I’m way too cheesy to be writing a blog.�
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1 comment(s) - 10:02 PM - 01/02/2014
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Amy Jean's Profile

  • Username: Amy Jean
  • Gender / Age: Female, 32
  • Location: United Kingdom
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